The Year in Review: 2009 TRU Hip-Hop Awards

Written by Rizoh. Posted in The Rap Up

Published on January 12, 2010 with 15 Comments

2009 flew by so fast that some of us still find ourselves clutching what’s left of its feathers wondering where the hell 12 months went. We decided that the only way to properly close the lid on 2009 is to take stock of the year’s biggest event and reward its key players. So, I summoned your neighborhood TRU Brain Trust to discuss 2009’s highs and lows (mostly lows). We exchanged angry words, pounded fists on tables harder than Kevin Garnet pounds his chest, and even threw chairs at people. In the end, we emerged with a brilliant list of 2009 TRU Hip-Hop Award recipients.

The “Smokey’s You Got Knocked The F**K Out!” Award

Winner: Saigon
For several years we’ve been promised a classic by Saigon, nothing less than a game-changer, instead his official debut album The Greatest Story Never Told became the butt of an extremely obvious joke due to the fact it never actually dropped. Still, Saigon’s hyperbole coupled with the idee of Just Blaze’s production and the mixtapes and features we’d heard from from Sai left heads salivating in anticipation. So when the beef that had been stewing for quite some time between Saigon and the Internet’s favorite MC Joe Budden finally erupted, everybody was ready for an epic lyrical brawl. It didn’t happen. What did happen was a second round knockout by Budden that Saigon still hasn’t fully recovered from. – Jaap

Runner-up: Mariah Carey
“The Warning” made me forget that Mariah Carey released a record last year. Wait…she did, right? – Ivan

The Tempur-Pedic Snooze Inducer of the Year

Winner: Gucci Mane’s album
No, I didn’t bother to look up the title. “Lemonade” was catchy but the rest of the album forgettable. Safe alternative to sleeping pills. – Rizoh

Runner-up: Asher Roth’s Asleep In The Bread Aisle

The Kanye West Award for Interrupting an Award Ceremony


Winner: The Henny bottle Kanye was swinging at the VMAs
Runner-Up: Amber Rose’s horse-n-carriage

The Lord Voldemort Let’s Not Mention This Anymore Award

Winner: Rakim’s Seventh Seal (Seriously, no comment)
Runner-Up: 50 Cent’s 1st week sales

The Eric Burdon Comeback Award

Winner: Raekwon the Chef
After a decade of duds and disappointments, Rae found a way to shed the ‘one-hit wonder’ label that would have dogged him till kingdom come. Cuban Linx II, the sequel to Rae’s 1995 epic, merged early Wu-Tang rawness with stylishly anti-modern production courtesy of RZA, Dilla, Dr. Dre and others. – Rizoh

Runner-up: Souls of Mischief

The TAFKAPUFF Award


Winner: DOOM (pka MF Doom)
Whether masquerading as Zev Love X, MF Doom, King Geedorah, Metal Fingers, Viktor Vaughn, or plain ol’ DOOM, if the masked one keeps droppin’ gems like Born Like This, Daniel Dumile could call himself “Tiger Brown Madoff” and still be adored. – Dom

Runner-up: Mike Bigga (pka Killer Mike)

The Jeffrey Atkins Award for Worst Career Move

Winner: Chris Breezy

The Andre Young False Hope Award

Winner: Big Boi’s Sir Lucious Left Foot
The lead single was a campaign song for Obama. He’s just giving it three more years so it’ll be current again. – Jaap
Runner-up: Every rumored collaboration between Jay-Z and Nas)

The Snacks and Shit Ridiculous Rhyme Award


Winner: “I exchange V cards with the retards/And get behind the Christian like Dior” (Mack Maine, “Every Girl”)
I have three things to say to Mr. Maine: 1. Why would God choose you of all people to possess multiple “V Cards”? 2. Don’t you know Christians don’t partake in premarital sex and 3. The Special Olympics committee don’t take to kindly to lyrics like that. Thems is fightin’ words! – Dom

Runner-up: “Do it to you like a dude who ain’t got no job”. (Fabolous, “Makin’ Love”)

The Eminem Murdered You on Your Own Song Award for Being Murdered on Your Own Song


Winner: Everyone who had the courage to solicit a guest verse from Eminem

Artwork by Jaap

TRU

Rizoh

Rizoh is the most powerful man in all the lands. He lives in Houston where he earned a BS in Nerf Herding. He's the founder of The Rap Up, the former editor of Roc4Life.com, and is in the Grammy-awaiting band Pervertable Disciples.

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15 Comments

There are currently 15 Comments on The Year in Review: 2009 TRU Hip-Hop Awards. Perhaps you would like to add one of your own?

  1. LMAO @ “Tiger Brown Madoff”

  2. LMAO @ “Tiger Brown Madoff”

  3. LMAO @ “Tiger Brown Madoff”

  4. i always think that having sex with amber rose must be like a scene from “basic instinct”

  5. i always think that having sex with amber rose must be like a scene from “basic instinct”

  6. i always think that having sex with amber rose must be like a scene from “basic instinct”

  7. The Eminem Murdered You on Your Own Song Award for Being Murdered on Your Own Song

    Winner: Everyone who had the courage to solicit a guest verse from Eminem

    Fact.

  8. The Eminem Murdered You on Your Own Song Award for Being Murdered on Your Own Song

    Winner: Everyone who had the courage to solicit a guest verse from Eminem

    Fact.

  9. The Eminem Murdered You on Your Own Song Award for Being Murdered on Your Own Song

    Winner: Everyone who had the courage to solicit a guest verse from Eminem

    Fact.

  10. The Andre Young False Hope award is AMAZING. Instead of using the expression “When pigs fly”, we now use, “When Dre drops Detox”. Word has it that he’s recorded over 300 tracks for it. He needs to pick 10 he doesnt like… 10 he WILL NOT use AT ALL, and just release em as a teaser or something… finish your CD, lazy bastard.

  11. The Andre Young False Hope award is AMAZING. Instead of using the expression “When pigs fly”, we now use, “When Dre drops Detox”. Word has it that he’s recorded over 300 tracks for it. He needs to pick 10 he doesnt like… 10 he WILL NOT use AT ALL, and just release em as a teaser or something… finish your CD, lazy bastard.

  12. The Andre Young False Hope award is AMAZING. Instead of using the expression “When pigs fly”, we now use, “When Dre drops Detox”. Word has it that he’s recorded over 300 tracks for it. He needs to pick 10 he doesnt like… 10 he WILL NOT use AT ALL, and just release em as a teaser or something… finish your CD, lazy bastard.

  13. Good list. But I thought a runner-up for the comeback award should’ve been Mos Def.

  14. Good list. But I thought a runner-up for the comeback award should’ve been Mos Def.

  15. Good list. But I thought a runner-up for the comeback award should’ve been Mos Def.

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