See, Internet? This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

Written by J.Monkey. Posted in Comic Relief, Interviews

Tagged: , ,

Published on November 05, 2010 with 3 Comments

Good day, rap fanatics! The current media blitzkrieg spearheaded by Def Jam and Mr. West got another chapter as Kanye held a conference call with various bloggers and DJs about his upcoming album. Your friendly neighborhood rap blog TRU secured an invite. For those that were unable to witness the “historic event,” we have an exclusive play-by-play to show you how this thing quickly went off the rails!

AKA my notes from a botched event presented in chronological order. Enjoy!

As I dialed in I was a bit anxious to already be too late at a minute over 4:00h EST. Luckily, I was right on time for a full hour of elevator music while the operator asked us to hold every couple of minutes.

A Def Jam rep finally gets on to moderate the talk. He sounds very enthusiastic and assures us we can pre-order the album on iTunes right now. Wow Mr. Def Jam, I sure am anxious to already pay for this album I have never heard and won’t be able to listen to until November 22nd! What a fabulous offer! The ground rules he lays down seem reasonable though. State your name and affiliation, ask your question, do not ask for drops or hostings.

I’ve already pressed *1 a few times by now as I’m sure a bajillion other bloggers have done.

This packaging with the different covers seems pretty nice. The head with the crown still seems the best one to me.

This dude asking about the inspiration behind the Runaway film has the best question so far, even though it’s so broad it’s barely a question it gives Kanye the opportunity to finally talk about something interesting amidst the Def Jam promo spiel. Plus he manages to get his name in! A lot of people seem unable to get past ‘Hello?’ and get cut off on the count of not saying anything.

Apparently a side effect of being the ‘voice of this generation’ is  that other people lose their voice around you, or at least loose the ability to say their own name. It must be hard to meet people this way, maybe that’s why it’s so lonely at the top.

At about 15 minutes in we get an unclear question about Cam’ron supposedly being on the album at some point, or working with him, or the disses, or something? I don’t know, Kanye doesn’t know, the guy asking the question doesn’t even know. It’s about something he supposedly said in a video sometime on WorldStarHipHop. Kanye (obviously irritated at this point) asks “what video?” but Def Jam probably decides to try and stay on the friendly side by moving on to another caller.

What does Kanye want to tell about himself that no one knows? Umm… Nothing, don’t you follow his Tweets lady? Not a bad question though and we get a few yucks at least. With the building tension seemingly now broken a slew of G.O.O.D. Music guests are soon introduced. Bring in the substitute players!

I still can’t believe a dude actually asked Kanye why Cyhi ain’t calling him back. You only get one question and this is what you ask?

Hey, here’s a dude from The Source. You can tell he’s a professional because he’s actually able to say his own name. He ain’t the least bit starstruck! Matter of fact, he’s so incredibly unstarstruck, he manages to phrase what finally could’ve been an interesting question so awkwardly that it basically turns into an insult. “Do you think you’re pandering a bit much with the George Bush and Taylor Swift apologies?”.

I’m pretty sure the Masonic connections will have him fired by the weekend.

We’re reminded once again by the overenthusiastic Def Jam rep how this is basically the most historic phone call since October 9th 1876 when Alexander Graham Bell hollered at Thomas Watson. We get it Mr. Def Jam, my * and 1 buttons are starting to wear down by now.

Oh crap, did a dude just actually ask to get signed after promoting the release of his digital single? Nooooo… Nobody believes they just heard that but since Mr. Def Jam is repeating it now it must be true.

How the GOOD Friday tracks differ form the album versions is actually a good question that I’m sure a lot of people want to know about. By now everybody is too annoyed by the conversation to do anything than get defensive about it though. “You thought he was gonna put out old stuff? This man is a genius! You only heard works in progress!” or something like that. I’m sure the asker knows that, that’s why he wants to hear about the process after the leaks.

For the record, I am indeed miffed I didn’t get to ask a question myself because not only would I remember my name I would actually ask a question about his work. That being said, Sketch’s question would’ve been pretty hilarious:

“Did you know your girlfriend is a bird?”

It was a cool idea of connecting with the audience and getting a lot of internet press out of the way simultaneously. It could’ve been a win-win for all parties involved. Unfortunately, the expected Stannish behavior of some callers was the least of the conference’s problems with that many inane questions swirling around.

See Internet? This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things.



1982 was when Jaap van der Doelen aka J.Monkey shot his way out his mom dukes. A mere two years later he was already battling Big Brother and The Illuminati. Whenever he has time to spare from those efforts he writes (about music, mostly), hosts a radio show and designs graphics for a living. He lives in The Netherlands where he continues to be winning.

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook


There are currently 3 Comments on See, Internet? This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things. Perhaps you would like to add one of your own?

  1. I’m mad I only got to hear about 15 minutes of elevator music. Lucky bastard!

  2. I’m saying the same thing like a synonym

  3. I think you meant to use the word “lose” instead of “loose”

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Jaap van der Doelen
  2. Jason Bellini
  3. Jaap van der Doelen
  4. Jason Bellini
  5. Rap Round Table, Week Ending 11/5/2010
  6. Kanye West – “Looking for Trouble” (Feat. J Cole, Pusha T, Cyhi da Prynce, Big Sean) | The Rap Up

Leave a Comment

Site Meter