Illegally Tapped Phone Conversations By Rappers

Written by J.Monkey. Posted in Comic Relief

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Published on July 13, 2011 with 4 Comments

Rowdy Rupert

With all the hullabaloo around the phone hacking scandal with Rupert Murdoch and the demise of British tabloid News Of the World you’d almost forget the real victims. We at TRU HQ don’t condone these types of tactics but now that we’ve obtained the exclusive transcripts of tapped phone conversations from some of the biggest names in rap, we’ve decided to share them with you. Scandalous invasions of privacy up ahead!

Dr. Dre & Jimmy Iovine

Jimmy Iovine: Hi Dre, Jimmy here, how’s the new album coming along?
(Laughter)
Dr. Dre: Stop it man (chuckles), ya killin’ me.
Jimmy: Em still awake?
Dre: Yeah man, he next door rapping his ass off. He’s written a verse that features virtually the same syllable 48 times and then the lyric sort of loops in on itself, it’s really intricate.
Jimmy: Wow, how’s it sound?
Dre: I dunno, pretty angry mostly. He says he’s having fun though.
Jimmy: So, I got a call from Macleans this morning.
Dre: Never heard of the guy. He a solid ghostwriter?
Jimmy: No, not a guy, the toothpaste company. They’re looking to ‘G up’ their image for the young urban demographic and asked if they could license an exclusive beat from Detox for their commercial. They got money, man.
Dre: Got something laying around that was supposed to go on Ra’s album. Wanna hear it?
Jimmy: Nah, I’ll take your word for it, I gotta go to a meeting now anyway. Want my people to put your people in contact with their people?
Dre: Sure, I’ll (stumbling sounds) OW!
Jimmy: What happened?
Dre: I just tripped over a pile of money.

Curren$y & a DEA officer

Curren$y: Waddup?
DEA officer: Good afternoon sir, officer Johnson speaking. Is this Shante Scott Franklin?
Curren$y: It’s Mister Go Left on a Bitch Who Can’t Find Her Right Mind
DEA:I’m sorry? this is the DEA, sir.
Curren$y: I’m certain that them devils tryin to get me, ’cause I’m swerving banging curbs and they can’t stand to see me with it.
DEA: That’s not what I’m calling about, we’re concerned with drugs, sir.
Curren$y: Smoke some of that NASA, maaayne…
DEA: No, this about your habits, actually-
Curren$y: Indo get rolled up like car windows.
DEA: Right-
Curren$y: Avoiding the policeman, them Carl Winslows.
DEA: This is the police, sir.
Curren$y: Bullshit convo, five minutes invested.
DEA: I assure you this is not bullshit. We wish to meet up with you.
Curren$y: I’m kinda high, but you dumb twisted.
DEA: What?
Curren$y: Jet life… Fool…
DEA: Sir?
Curren$y: tududududuhduuh…

Rick Ross & his mother

Momma Ross: Hello son!
Rozay: Hey mom. WHUH!
Mom: Don’t be making them horse sounds at me, boy. You’ve been eating good?
Rozay: Fo’sho mom!
Mom: You know I mean your vegetables, boy.
Rozay: Sure.
Mom:You don’t sound too convincing, do you remember what I taught you?
Rozay: Yeah mom.
Mom: So sing it for me.
Ross: Aw, mom…
Mom: I’m waiting.
Rozay: M-M-Maybach Music…
Mom: You can leave your tag off.
Rozay: Okay, here goes…
MY VEGETABLES, I DONE ATE
MY VEGETABLES, IS SO GREAT
MY VEGETABLES, GIT ME STRONG
MY VEGETABLES, THEY AIN’T WRONG
MY VEGETABLES, THEY SO GOOD
MY VEGETABLES, FROM THE HOOD!
Mom: That’s my boy!
Rozay: WHUH!

TRU

J.Monkey

1982 was when Jaap van der Doelen aka J.Monkey shot his way out his mom dukes. A mere two years later he was already battling Big Brother and The Illuminati. Whenever he has time to spare from those efforts he writes (about music, mostly), hosts a radio show and designs graphics for a living. He lives in The Netherlands where he continues to be winning.

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4 Comments

There are currently 4 Comments on Illegally Tapped Phone Conversations By Rappers. Perhaps you would like to add one of your own?

  1. lulz

  2. ROZAY!

  3. ROZAY!

  4. a year later and it still merits lulz. tooo funny, J.

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