Another lame music award! I didn’t watch any of it, but I did manage to catch my future ex-wife Nicki Minaj rocking out in that sexy android getup. Hmmm…so futuristic. Also: J. Lo gave Pitbull a woody! And Xtina is looking thicker than a snicker these days. You’ll notice that I’ve left off Taylor Swift (not cute enough) and Katy Perry (not slutty enough). Peep game.