The Year in Review: 2011 TRU Hip-Hop Awards

Written by J.Monkey. Posted in Comic Relief, Spotlight

Published on December 23, 2011 with No Comments">No Comments




Time waits for no man, and this year flew by in an eventful but ultimately awesome year for TRU. Thanks for being there with us. With Christmas waiting in the wings to let loose the smell pine and way too much food and drinks, it’s already time to unveil the winners of the TRU Awards 2011. Some new categories, some old ones, but all rightfully earned. Let’s go!

The Cheddar Bob Shooting Yourself In The…. Award

Winner: Canibus
Congratulations Canibus, you’ve finally won something again. Early December, the man once embroiled in an epic beef with LL Cool J decided to try and rekindle the increasingly tiny fickle of a flame that his career unfortunately has become. Remembering that he was popular when beefing, he picked a fight and chose the currently rising star J. Cole as his target. The strange thing is that Cole was actually a fan of his and payed him nothing but respect over the years, a fact that Bis latched onto as the reason for dissing him in such a mindbendingly convoluted way that he actually apologized for it and squashed the whole thing the very next day. Seems like a surefire way to destroy your chances at landing that guest verse on a Cole joint you were asking for while dissing him, Bis.

The Snacks and Shit Ridiculous Rhyme Award

I get money to kill time / Dead clocks

Winner: Lil Wayne
So… You mean you get paid for your hobby? That’s cool, but it renders the “Dead clocks” part devoid of any meaning. So if we assume this sentence does not build toward a ‘punchline’ of two random words it either means Wayne is employed by someone with a deep-seethed hatred of clocks to destroy them all, or that he’s the world’s shittiest watchmaker. You know what? This makes no sense whatsoever.

The Otis Jackson “Damn Dude, How Many Names You Got?” Award

Winner: Tyler, The Creator
A.k.a. Wolf Haley a.k.a. Ace a.k.a. Young N*gga a.k.a. whatever the name of the psychiatrist character on Bastard and Goblin was, possibly Bastard and Goblin as well and probably some other name I forgot or that he has recently introduced.

The Number One Dime Award For Straight Scrooge McDuckery

Winner: Jay-Z
No, we’re not implying Jay is a dime. We’re implying Jay is all about the dime, in the Scrooge McDuck sense of the word. Jay gave interviews talking about tax hikes for the rich, seemingly supported the #OWS movement and even released a shirt through Rocawear, which he repeatedly wore in public, featuring an #Occupy slogan. The shirt was a good way to support the movement with more than rhetoric but when the time for Jay came to put his money where his mouth is he put his money in his pocket. Public address of the controversy was handled by Uncle Donald Rush and his Huey, Dewey, and Louies at Global Grind, but their words still haven’t followed by actions to this day.

The “Them Bitches Slap” Knocking Drums Award

Winner: Black Milk
Sean P called it earlier this year in our interview with him and even if I didn’t know better than not to disagree with P I’d still say he was right.

The Andre Young Lost Album Of Shangri-La Award



Winner: Jay Electronica
In the case of the state of hip-hop against Jay Electronica…
I present to you…

…Not a damn thing besides an underwhelming videogame tie-in.

The Tempur-Pedic Snooze Inducer of the Year Award



Winner: Lupe Fiasco – Lasers
Sigh. The campaign for this album tried to inspire a movement. Lupe unleashed uplifting manifestos and activism on the masses that kept demand and anticipation rising despite leaks that were less than well-received and seemingly out-of-character concessions for hit radio success. When the album finally hit the shelves our eardrums got treated to tepid synth-heavy drivel that Lupe himself didn’t even sound invested in. The few moments Wasalu sounds invigorated he spat factually incorrect, half-assed political statements and the single dope song on the record got buried in a torrent of mediocrity. Meh.

Runner-up: Drake – Take Care
Even the people that actually liked this album were rocked to sleep by it.

The Renegade a.k.a. Eminem Murdered You on Your Own Song Award

Winner: Freddie Gibbs
Case in point:

Curren$y’s part is far from wack but if you don’t think Gangsta Gibbs bodied this track you might need some rectal-pancreas-removal surgery.

Runner-up: Kendrick Lamar

J.Monkey

1982 was when Jaap van der Doelen aka J.Monkey shot his way out his mom dukes. A mere two years later he was already battling Big Brother and The Illuminati. Whenever he has time to spare from those efforts he writes (about music, mostly), hosts a radio show and designs graphics for a living. He lives in The Netherlands where he continues to be winning.

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