Oh Boy: A Dipset Guide To Relationships

Written by J.Monkey. Posted in Comic Relief, Spotlight

Published on February 14, 2012 with No Comments">No Comments

Wether you’re black, brown, white or purple, Valentine’s Day is the perfect day to profess your love to that special someone. Who knows, if that love turns out to be reciprocal, there could be a beautiful future ahead of you. But if it does turn out to be reciprocal, how do you make a relationship work? That’s when you turn to the thoughtful writers of that consortium of Harlem visionaries; DIPSET!

A relationship is all about sharing, as Cam’ron Giles eloquently puts in this line from the ode to the object of his desire entitled ‘Hey Ma.’ You can promise your partner the moon (or, you know, a certain bodypart), but honesty about oneself is key. Sharing your emotions and insecurities (like your troubles with how girls used to say you’re rotten and rich) will strengthen your bond.

Give your partner the attention she deserves. Spend time doing nice things together and be creative with surprises. Also, they won’t appreciate you tryin’ to sneak out after sharing one of the most intimate acts known to humanity. Girls are obsessed with it like that.

Stay faithful. When lies enter relationships you go down a slippery slopethat can only lead to tragedy and, according to the bard Killa Cam, cum-riddled spousal kisses. *HURL*

Keep a well-organized daily calendar. Remember anniversaries, holidays and birthdays. These are special days to share with the important people in your life, and your partner should be chief among them. Show your apprecition by giving nice gifts when appropriate and display gentlemanly gestures every now and then like offering her a nice drink. …At least I hope that’s what he means.

Hygiene is important for all parties concerned. Groome, stay fresh and clean and don’t get caught with bad breath. Uncleanliness is a major turn-off, but you might consider choosing a slightly more ‘diplomatic’ (rimshot) tone of words when you feel the need to order wet wipes.

Follow these tips and you’ll surely have a life filled with romance ahead of you. Happy Valentine’s Day!

J.Monkey

1982 was when Jaap van der Doelen aka J.Monkey shot his way out his mom dukes. A mere two years later he was already battling Big Brother and The Illuminati. Whenever he has time to spare from those efforts he writes (about music, mostly), hosts a radio show and designs graphics for a living. He lives in The Netherlands where he continues to be winning.

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